Heartbroken but breathing
by robinh
Summary: My speculation on season 4. Kono is back on the island. Will things go back to normal between her and the team? And where is Steve in all of that? Trying to be optimistic here.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N1**: This is a post finale/Season 4 fic. I have to warn you though: I haven't actually seen the finale - couldn't bring myself to do it, so this is based on the gifs in the different tmblrs, combined with a little bit of wishful thinking.

**A/N2**: I do not own Hawaii Five 0. The show and the characters belong to CBS and the show runners. I'm really trying to be optimistic here, and the thing that keeps me positive is that after the third season - there practically isn't a single stupid mistake they didn't try yet. I guess it's only going to get better from here.

I know it's a bit short. I haven't figured out where this one is going yet. Please tell me what you think, I will appreciate it immensely and could use your intake on it.

Thanks, R.

* * *

Carelessness. It was pure carelessness on his part, he totally admits it. Pathetic really, for a man like him. You would imagine he could have shown enough self restraint for a few more hours. Apparently he wasn't as strong as he thought he was. Did he actually forget every fucking thing he was taught? every precaution? Fuck it, it's basic training's material. He's older now, self sufficient, a team leader for god's sakes, he has responsibility to things that are bigger than him.

He just wanted to take a look, you see? To make sure. To stand in her driveway for a few seconds and see her red car, that was stored in Chin's garage waiting for her return, parking there under the morning sun. To see her surfboard, leaning idly against the front wall, and _to know_ that it's actually going to be used again. Soon.

He just wanted to see a light in the window, maybe see a curtain moves in the morning breeze. Fuck, he was driving past this house for months now, reliving its emptiness. He's entitled for some reassurance, right?

()()()

She called three days ago. It was an early Friday morning, and the number was blocked. He thinks it was international, that she was still out of the country when she picked up the phone. He was still asleep when he heard her voice, calling his name from the other side of the world, and it made him... He was awake in an instant... He sat on the bad, holding the phone close to his ear, and she had to call his name a few times, until he was able to answer, without... without letting her know that...

She said she's coming back. She sounded tired, and guarded, and when he asked a few general questions about Adam, she said she'll tell him everything face to face. She was quiet for a while, and he was so scared suddenly, that she's hurt, that she's sad, that maybe she thinks they are angry with her, that she won't be willing to...

"Are you coming back on the team?" he asked quickly, because he was so scared she was thinking he had already found someone else to replace her. Right, like if it could even be possible... She sighed and whispered "yes. If I can..."

()()()

He made her swear she'll report in HQ Monday morning. A small voice in his head told him she would probably need some time, to get settled at home, to meet her family, to see Chin... but... he couldn't risk it. He _wouldn't risk it_. He made her swear again, and she said she'll be back on the island the next day anyway, that it should be fine, that she's grateful... it felt so good suddenly, like everything is back in its place again.

()()()

He spent three long hours harassing the governor to let her back on the team. He screamed, and shouted, and pounded the table, until he got what he wanted. He agreed to a pay cut, to support her repositioning till the end of the fiscal year, agreed to a formal reassessment of the team's expenses, that the governor was kin on and he was able to block for a couple of years... He signed any form they gave him, and sat there and listened to the governor's reservations about the constant change in the team's personnel, but he couldn't care less. She was officially back, and her badge was in his hand when he left.

()()()

He was in Chin's office the second he got back to HQ. He stepped in, and the older detective probably sensed his agitated appearance, because he stopped working, leaned back and looked at him curiously.

"So..." he said slowly "I... have you heard from Kono?" he was never the one to tiptoe around a subject.

"Not recently" Chin frowned "no... why?"

To say that he wasn't felling elated that he was the only one she called, would be a lie. Her own cousin... He looked at Chin, somewhat embarrassed, thinking, perhaps she was just being professional, talking to her boss first.

"She's coming back" he said awkwardly, feeling guilty all of a sudden. The pure shock on Chin's face was making it even worse.

()()()

They cleaned and rearranged her office together, and the way they were concentrating on the task at hand, kept them from talking too much about the implications. Even Danny, chatty as he is, was trying to avoid the big elephant in the room. He asked Steve what she said, and he repeated the short conversation word for word to the both of them, and they asked about Adam, but he had nothing to give them, so eventually they were left with the silence, and the waiting.

()()()

He thought about searching the flights' manifests for her name, but when he realized he wasn't sure if he's looking for _her name_ or for _Adam's_ he changed his mind. When he realized he should probably not stay alone in front of the computer at that particular moment, he made his way to Danny's office only to find him and Chin looking at the manifests themselves.

"Nice" he spat, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Shut up, Steve" Danny told him, not even looking his way "don't play all high and mighty with us. You would have done it yourself if you weren't too obsessed with morals, codes and proper conduct."

"I wouldn't" he said unconvincingly.

"Okay" Danny looked at him pointedly "so I guess you don't want to know what we found..."

He could picture Danny's head smashed against the glass wall there and then, but at least he wasn't proud of it.

()()()

He thinks it was the longest weekend of his life. The fact that he survived to see Monday morning without losing his mind is no less than a miracle. He wakes up early in the morning, to go on his morning run, and he's not even surprised when his legs carry him to her house.

He just wants to take a look, you see? To make sure. To stand in her driveway for a few seconds and see her red car, that was stored in Chin's garage waiting for her return, parking there under the morning sun. To see her surfboard, leaning idly against the front wall, and _to know_ that it's actually going to be used again. Soon.

He just wants to see a light in the window, maybe see a curtain moves in the morning breeze. He doesn't mean to stay there for _twenty fucking minutes_ as though his legs have sent roots into the ground.

()()()

When she steps outside, probably for her morning surf, she spots him immediately standing there in front of her. He's too tired to move, and he's completely breathless, from his run or from her image, he can't really tell for sure. He can see the surprise on her face when she first sees him, can see the hesitation in her initial movements when she tries to decide what to do... He can see her recovering after a few seconds, then walking towards him decisively, then running, then crashing into his sweaty, tired, shaking body, making him gasp, when her warm body is suddenly pressed against him.

"I'm all sweaty" he mumbles, holding her forcefully, burying his face in her shoulder.

She just laughs, quietly, holding him against her even tighter.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Thank you for reading, following, favoring and especially commenting on this fic. I appreciate it immensely.

These two first chapters are very short - sort of an exposition. The real tale will begin after that.

Please tell me what you think.

* * *

Carelessness. It was pure carelessness on her part, she totally admits it. Pathetic really, after the emotional rollercoaster she'd been through in the last couple of months, you would expect her to be more careful. She promised herself, repeatedly, not to let her feelings influence her decisions anymore. Yeah right! As if any of her recent actions were the results of an actual decision making process. Where the hell is the strong and independent woman she was pretending to be all these years? Where the hell is her self control? Her rational thinking? Fuck, how could she let herself be carried away like that, again, and be swept off her feet just by seeing him there in front of her?

She just wanted to go surfing, you see? To step out of her house, and feel the Hawaiian sun on her skin again. To listen to the familiar sounds of her childhood, the blowing wind, the gushing sea and the eternal roar of the island that always runs in her veins. She just wanted to smell the ocean, to taste its salty water, after her body surrenders to its pull, to feel her muscles burn with the familiar fight against the waves, where it's only her and her board in the world. She knew the only way she could feel balanced again, after months of feeling unstable and groundless in foreign territories, would be on the big waters of her home.

()()()

She called him from Ninoy Aquino International Airport, ten hours before her flight. She had no idea what time it was over there, but when he answered the phone, and his voice was deep and soft and gentle, she realized it must be really early in the morning. She called his name a few times, simply because the feel of it on her tongue gave her more strength than she thought was possible, and it was fine actually, because there were a few tense moments at the beginning of the conversation, after she told him it's her when he didn't say anything. At the end, he was his old self again. Sounded familiar, and solid, and like he had all the answers, even to questions she couldn't even ask yet. He asked a few general questions about her location, and about Adam, which she was able to duck effortlessly, because he was kind enough not to push it too much. He was very practical, like always, and very operational, like always, and she didn't have to ask, or beg, or plead him before he brought up the subject of their team. The way he asked if she wants back in, and the small panicked edge she could sense at the end of his sentence made her almost sigh in relief. Perhaps _he was_ _relieved too_, because he made sure she'll be at work on Monday, and repeated it a few more times just in case, and when she stood there, in the payphone booth, holding the speaker in both hands, she couldn't stop the tears.

()()()

She was dreaming about home almost every day, mainly about her last day there. She was dreaming about standing in the docs, looking at their faces, saying goodbye, was dreaming about Chin whispering in her ear, telling her that he trusts her, that she can do what she chooses, and taking the burden of guilt off of her. She dreamt about the big, heavy metal boat she climbed on, holding Adam's warm hand, forcefully, trying to feel connected, when every fiber of her being was being torn. She dreamt about _him_, about his strong arms around her, and she woke up, almost suffocating with fear, when she realized, that when they parted, he never actually let her go...

()()()

There isn't a point in time when she can say the decision was made. It just happened, gradually, and then suddenly, the distance between her and the island became too much to bare. They were moving a lot, they were hiding, and even though she thought she was prepared for anything, it was harder than anything she could imagine.

()()()

When Adam woke up, on their last day together, and saw her standing near the bed, fully dressed and ready to go, he didn't have to look for the suitcase near the door, to realize what she's about to tell him.

"You're going back" he told her, sitting up in the bed, rubbing his face.

"I have to" she whispered.

He got up, and got dressed, and when he sat down to put on his shoes, she sat beside him, and put her hand on his thigh.

"I'm sorry" she whispered "I love you."

"I know" he said quietly, kissing the top of her head. They sat there for a few long minutes, and hugged each other, without saying a word.

()()()

She told him he doesn't have to escort her out, but he insisted. He took her suitcase in one hand, and held her with the other, and when they walked out of the room, and into the elevator, he hugged her again, and kissed her, and wiped away her tears. He helped her into the cab, and gave her some money, and she wanted to say something, to apologize, to explain, to suggest that maybe one day... but at the end she had no idea what else could be said.

"Thank you, Adam" she told him, holding his arm desperately, when the car was ready to move.

"Thank you?" He laughed bitterly "for what? For stealing your life away from you?"

"No" she shook her head determinedly "for letting me go..."

He stood there at the hotel door, looking at the cab driving away, and she looked back, at his tall beautiful figure watching her for as long as he could. When she finally turned around, her face was dry, and suddenly she felt forty pounds lighter.

()()()

Chin was there, when she landed in Hawaii international airport. She laughed when she saw him, dressed in one of his usual outrageous shirts. She was drowning in hugs and kisses from him and from a few other cousins, and he put a lei on her neck, and took her suitcase from her hand, and she thinks it's the first time she'd seen him smiling like that since he lost Malia. When they got to the parking lot, her beautiful car was waiting there for her, squeaky clean, with the tank full of gas.

()()()

Being in her house was good. Chin and she spent the day opening windows, washing dishes and doing laundry. It was easy, and quiet, and exhausting.

On Sunday, Danny came over with Grace and some Coco Puffs. The house was bright suddenly, and full of laughter. Danny told her about Gabby, and forced Chin to tell her about his own new and _slow motion_ love life, and while Grace told her stories about the island, the boys gave her an update about their ongoing case.

()()()

"How is he?" she asked Danny when they stood in the kitchen clearing the dishes.

"He's… he's quiet." He told her simply.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, Kono. If he was fine, he would be here, but I think… I really think I shouldn't talk in his name."

She looked at him startled. When Steve didn't show up with the boys in the morning, she wasn't even surprised. Somehow, _she knew_ he wouldn't come. Knew that he'd let her find her center first, before showing up. The fact that Danny refused to talk about him, as well as the worried look in his eyes… She spent the rest of the day worried out of her mind.

()()()

She thinks it was the longest weekend of her life. The fact that she survived to see Monday morning without losing her mind is no less than a miracle. She wakes up early in the morning, to go to her morning surf, and she's not even surprised when she opens the door, to see him standing there in front of her.

She just wanted to go surfing, you see? To step out of her house, and feel the Hawaiian sun on her skin again. To listen to the familiar sounds of her childhood, the blowing wind, the gushing sea and the eternal roar of the island that always runs in her veins. She just wanted to smell the ocean, to taste its salty water, after her body surrenders to its pull, to feel her muscles burn with the familiar fight against the waves, where it's only her and her board in the world. She knew the only way she could feel balanced again, after months of feeling unstable and groundless in foreign territories, would be on the big waters of her home. She doesn't mean to run straight towards him, the minute she sees him.

()()()

When she steps outside, she spots him immediately standing there in front of her. He looks like he was running, all breathless and sweaty, and his image takes her breath away. It takes her a second or two to recover, and to walk towards him decisively, then to run, then to crash into his muscular, solid, warm body, and to hold him for dear life.

"I'm all sweaty" he mumbles, holding her forcefully, burying his face in her shoulder.

She just laughs, quietly, at his sweet insecurity. She holds him against her even tighter, and suddenly, _she really is home_.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Thank you for reading, following, favoring and especially commenting on this fic. I appreciate it immensely. I'm sorry for the long wait. I was really busy. Hopefully the inspiration is back too now.

Please tell me what you think.

* * *

It's not what she'd bargained for. It's too heavy, and there's something there beneath the surface that makes her heart ache when he holds her like that.

After she lets him go, smiling at him sheepishly, he steps back, with his head bowed, and she has to wait for him to catch his breath and to wear back his usual stoic expression. She can't put her finger on it, but it's pretty obvious that their... _meeting... _had affected him in a quite unexpected way. He looks as if he was... _No_! She shakes the thought away from her mind as soon as it arises. She's being stupid, letting herself be carried away by the happiness and peace his presence engulfs her with. She was just... homesick, and lonely, and his strength, and kindness, and the sense of security he always has around him is clouding her thinking a little bit. There's no way he is actually... But... He is obviously surprised by the physical connection that is so foreign in their relationship, _as does she_, and he's a bit lost for words when they finally stand there facing each other, at the beginning of their second start, _and so does she_, and when she looks at her hands, at the sides of her body, she can see that they're trembling with excitement.

()()()

He looks tired, like a soldier who just came back from the battle to a long lost shore. He's thinner than he was when she left him, and his hair is longer, and... he looks bruised, although she can't identify any external injuries on his skin. His eyes are red, and he has three days' scruff on his face. There's nothing physically wrong with him, but she can't help but feel his pain.

"I'm going surfing" she says eventually, because it looks like he won't say anything, and it's getting too suffocating to stand there like that. He only looks at the board on the wall behind her "I thought I'd come to HQ right after that. Try to build my routine again, you know?" He looks at her carefully, and she can feel his eyes travel on her face, and on her neck, but he keeps his silence. "How are you, Steve?" she asks gently, fighting the urge to touch him again when suddenly he looks so distanced.

"I'm fine" he answers quietly, almost shrugging off the question, and she doesn't want to push him, so she tries not to ask questions he refuses to be asked.

"Danny and Chin..." she starts again after a few minutes when nobody speaks "they told me about your case. I'll go over the details when I get to HQ, but I think I can get a full grasp of everything pretty quickly. Chin said he prepared a huge file with all the..."

"Ours" he mumbles.

"What?" she looks at him questioningly.

"_Our_ case" he clarifies, looking anywhere but her. She has no idea what to say, she just looks at his ragged appearance, wishing him to talk again. "Good" he spits eventually "I'll see you at work then, I..."

He looks at her carefully, like he's trying to remember every detail of her newly appeared image, and she can practically see the million thoughts he has running around in his head.

"Steve..." she whispers, because this weird behavior makes her heart beat faster, the blood roar in her ears, and all she wants to do is take him into her home and hold him against her and whisper to him that everything is alright.

"You kept your promise" he tells her suddenly.

"What?"

"You promised it won't be forever, and you came back to m... you came back."

"I had to" she whispers.

He nods silently, and sends one more look towards her board. Then he turns around and walks away.

()()()

The first chance she has, later in the day, she's in Danny's office, closing the door behind her, and hovering threateningly over his desk.

"What happened?!" she demands, and it takes him a few seconds, but he understands.

"He's fine, babe. He's..." She looks at him worriedly "he had a hard time, after you were gone. I don't... look, I asked. You know me, I nagged him, and screamed, and demanded answers... he didn't tell me. We hardly see him outside of work nowadays. Well, except for Chin that is. Chin managed to take him fishing a few times, but the two of them together... fuck, Kono, you can picture it for yourself. The fish probably were more talkative than them..."

She smiles at his whiny tone. God, she missed his constant frustration with his beloved partner so much. She can imagine the mess between the three of them in her absence, between Chin and his Zen like calmness, and Steve's brooding, Danny must have lost it completely.

She looks back at her boss in the main room. He stands near the smart table with Chin, and he looks good in there. Completely different than what she saw this morning. He's focused and strong and energetic as always. Well... _almost as always_, she can see the familiar twitch in his jaw when he listens to the information Chin gives him. After a more scrutinizing look, he actually looks like a bomb ready to explode.

"Well" she crosses her arms on her chest, looking back at Danny "something is definitely wrong with him."

"You mean _wronger_" Danny scoffs "something was always wrong with him. Even from the beginning."

"It happened on your watch, buddy" she frowns at him "I wouldn't joke about it, if I were you."

"I'm only human" he shrugs.

"You mean, you're only a _man_" she corrects "_useless_. Never mind, I'll talk to Catherine, she'll probably know what's wrong with him better than anyone." She says on her way to the door.

"She wouldn't" Danny says simply. When she turns back to look at him questioningly he explains "she'd left."

()()()

They're surrounding the building quietly, preparing for the breach. The instructions are clear, Steve and Danny will break in from the front door, Chin will cover the back, and Kono will cover the alley, in case the suspect will try to make a run for it. She tries not to be insulted by the fact that he puts her on the sidelines, so to speak. He has a good reason apparently, she's his best sniper and the guy had escaped a few times already, shooting three cops in the process, but it still feels like he pushes her away from the action, no matter how hard he tries to conceal it. The guy is armed and dangerous, and Steve had already made his decision, so when she looks at him with the unfortunate small pout, she didn't manage to hide on time he looks at her straight in the eyes and tells her he's not taking any chances with this one.

()()()

She hears five shots from inside the house, before the guy bursts out to the alley. He runs towards her, and she sees horrified how he turns around and shoots at Chin. She pulls the trigger once, and misses, twice, and misses again, and while she takes a few seconds to readjusts her aim, he recognizes her position and shoots at her, too. She ducks, feeling dust and concrete covering her hair, when he shoots the wall above her. She's pinned down in her place, and it sounds like he's getting closer. She pulls out her handgun, and rolls to the left, then she rises from the concrete floor, assumes a new position and prepares to fire back. When she finally has him in her range, she sees the guy falling down, as Steve shoots him in the chest from a close range.

()()()

They stand above the body, and she can't keep from sighing.

"I'm sorry, Steve. I guess... I'm a bit rusty."

"It's fine" he says absentmindedly, not even looking her way, "are you okay? did he get you?"

She shakes her head no.

"Look, you've been away for almost six months. It's understandable... don't worry" he says when she looks at him sorrowfully "we'll go to the shooting range on the weekend, practice some long and short distance shooting. You'll have the right feel for it in no time."

()()()

He turns around on his heels, and walks towards the police cars which starting to fill the area, when she looks back, she sees Danny and Chin looking at her, smiling.

"Thank god you're back, babe" Danny says happily.

"Why?" she grumbles "you needed me to ruin your operations?"

"No" Chin smiles kindly "we needed you to pull Steve out of his stupor. It's the first time in months that he made plans for the future. "


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Thank you for reading, following, favoring and especially commenting on this fic. I appreciate it immensely. Again, so sorry about the delay of this post. Please tell me what you think.

* * *

The shooting range is empty when they get there. She tries not to laugh when she imagines how he made that happened. She can practically picture him standing threateningly over the shooting range manager, _asking_ for the key and for some privacy. It doesn't matter. Matt Johns, a former cop, and even more former elite unit warrior in one of the more secret branches of the Army Rangers knows exactly who he deals with when it comes to Steve. She guesses he would just have to mention the event to Danny, offhandedly, and let the blonde detective do the job for him, exploding all over the most annoying Navy SEAL he had met in his life.

He takes his time to set the targets right, walking slowly along each lane and hanging them in various positions. He measures the distances, and checks the alignment in such a precise and serious manner, like their lives depend on it. She takes the time to assemble the weapons. He made her bring almost half the team's inventory, so it takes time. While he works in the field, securing everything, she's spreading her _babies_ on the pavement floor.

"Start with the short range" he tells her when he comes back, and jumps back on the platform. "Hand gun first, then your automatic."

"It doesn't make any sense" she shakes her head "the long distance shooting is much more complicated, this way I'll be tired by the time I'll get to it."

"Short range first" he says pointedly "it's much more important. If you mess this one up, you're dead. If you mess up long distance shooting, it's somebody else's life that's on the line. I need you alive, so you gonna do this first, are we clear? We'll figure out your long range skills later."

"Fine" she grumbles, pulling her hand gun, and putting her safety glasses on "but tactically speaking this is completely ridiculous."

"You _are_ rusty" he states dryly, shaking his head "even your ability to follow orders has diminished substantially, while you were away."

"Yeah well" she shrugs, as she's taking position "if we're completely honest, I was pretty bad at this in the first place."

()()()

Shooting is good. He stands behind her as she tries a few warming shots. The heavy metal feels good in her hand, and after a few moments she feels like her muscles are contracting naturally around her grip. He gives her some unnecessary pointers, and corrects her stance, and she follows his leads because he has this quality in his voice that gives her so much reassurance and confidence, she just can't not to. He explains all the things she already knows, and he gives some encouraging feedbacks on her performance, that make her feel like he's really impressed. He hums in satisfaction every time she makes a small improvement, making her feel all warm and happy inside. She always knew he was a great leader, but now she's reminded of how devoted a teacher he is, as well. He's completely right too, after a few awkward shots, she really feels confident and strong again. Her second clip is a beautiful, well grouped batch, a clear demonstration of what an outstanding markswomen is hiding under all the rustiness. She lays her handgun down, pulls out her ear plugs and takes off her safety glasses, to look at him questioningly.

"Not bad" he mumbles at the perfect batch she'd just put on the paper target.

"_Not bad?!_" she frowns, her hands on her hips.

"Nope" he shrugs "not bad at all."

()()()

They try the long distance shooting together. They lie side by side on the pavement, holding their sniper rifles to their cheeks.

They shoot in silence, like a well oiled machine. Like the perfect team they always made.

It's getting messy soon enough, though. After they take a few turns, shooting one shot at a time, announcing the distance to one another, they suddenly change the pace. By the third shot, it looks more like a contest, and by the sixth one it's getting almost personal.

They take the shots quickly, without waiting for one another. The tension is high, you can cut it with a knife. The shooting is constant in a merciless speed, there's dust rising from behind the far targets and the happy and professional conversation is gone, only the sound of their breathing is heard on the pavement between them. She finishes the round first, and sits on her heels, whipping sweat off her brow.

"I think I have 90-91%" he announces, sitting next to her, looking exhausted. She only smiles mischievously, standing up and dusting off her pants.

When they go to collect the targets, and count the hits, and he has 92% from 600feet, she has 96%.

()()()

"When was the last time you've seen her?" he asks almost casually when they sit on the bed of his truck a couple of hours later, sipping their beers and watching the big blue ocean in front of them.

"It's been a while" she says gently after a few moments of thinking "she left us about a week after we got to China." He doesn't respond, only looks silently at the big blue in front of him. She looks at him worriedly, his too long hair is tossed by the wind, his expression unreadable. She can't explain it, but he suddenly looks a little bit lost. "She helped us to find a small hotel in the big city" she continues quietly, because she's afraid he wouldn't ask anything more. "She took Adam to meet a contact she had, to get us new passports and she made sure we have enough money to travel deeper into the continent."

He only nods shortly, his eyes still transfixed with the waves, his expression guarded.

"She wasn't sure" she mumbles.

"What?" he looks at her puzzled.

"I only met her a couple of times before..." she explains "but even I could tell that she always seemed... decisive, and self assured, and like she knows exactly what to do. She always looked like she doesn't need anyone's help or reassurance... She was always like you..." she smiles bitterly. He follows her words intently, trying to understand what she's saying "she wasn't sure" she repeats, looking at him seriously "in China, _she wasn't sure she was doing the right thing_."

"She _wanted_ to leave" he whispers to her, his eyes burning blue like the ocean and the sky around them "I thought about trying to stop her, but at the end I didn't even argue. I couldn't hear anymore lies, and I didn't think she'd listen anyway. I mean, she said she _had_ to go..."

"I'm sorry, Steve" Kono whispers, putting her hand on his arm "I'm sorry she left. We wouldn't have managed without her, there's no doubt about it, and I don't know why she chose to help us in the first place. She hardly knows me, and she never met Adam before, and I saw in her eyes... I saw she wanted to stay with you." He looks back at the ocean, and she can see him clenching his jaw. "I'm sorry" she says again but he's already miles away, he doesn't even hear her.

They sit together in silence for another half an hour, the warm wind blowing in their face, engulfing them in the familiar smell of their beloved ocean. It feels good, to be there. Good to be there with him.

()()()

"Before she left she said she needed to protect someone I care about" he says suddenly "...but... I thought it was just another one of her lies."

"I'm sorry Steve" she shakes her head "I spent a long time with her and we talked about stuff, but she never said where she's going to go or what she's about to do."

"I don't think she was lying" he says softly.

"You know who she was talking about?" she looks at him curiously.

He only shrugs, before taking a large gulp of his beer "I do now..."

()()()

They drive to HQ to put back the weapons. She rolls her eyes a little bit when he makes her clean them all meticulously, and even runs a short inspection to make sure she meets his excessively high standards. She grumbles something about his tight regime, the shameful end of all dictatorships and about obsessive compulsive tendencies, but he probably doesn't hear her when he's forcing her to clean her handgun for the third time in a raw.

It's already evening when they walk out to the parking lot. They look around them in surprise, seeing the unexpected dusk presents itself with violent pink and pale blue in the beautiful Hawaiian sky. The day went by so quickly, in a rare sense of calm and ease, that the both of them almost forgot was possible. They look at each other with a small smile, breathing in the island. Breathing in their home.

"Thanks boss" she says when they stand near her car, unsure or unwilling to end the day.

"For what?" he raises his eyes in astonishment "oh yeah, sure... It's... it's my pleasure."

She shakes her head happily, smiling brightly at his quick and embarrassed response. He suddenly feels like his heart might burst at the sight.

She gets in the car, and turns on the engine. When she drives off, he is still standing there, looking at the retreating vehicle.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Thank you for reading, following, favoring and especially commenting on this fic. I appreciate it immensely.

**A/N2**: Special thank to the reader J and to Kimson10, you know for what. jmlane1966 welcome back, I thought I lost you. Lydia my darling - I can't believe you're back. Seeing your name again made me so ecstatically happy - you have no idea :)

Please tell me what you think.

* * *

She doesn't mean to ask about Catherine, it happens by accident. As the days go by and they fall back into their old routine, and things start to look better and easier, there's simply no need to disturb the creatures under the rock of their newly gained friendship. There's no need to call it anything else but _friendship_, too, if you ask her. It's much safer.

()()()

Without even noticing, they spend most of their time together, at work and off it. It's natural somehow, in a new and unexpected way. They work well with each other in the field, reading the other's thoughts, and moving at the same pace and direction. It's as if the six months of separation had never happened.

On the weekends they go to the ocean together. Surfing, or sailing, or running. She comes to his house, often, and he cooks, and he comes to watch TV on her tiny little couch, and he cooks, and she has no idea how she'd ever thought losing him could even be an option.

()()()

She's not sure at the beginning, if this is the right thing for the team. Her absence, and reappearance had their damaging impact already. But she finds that her new position with their team leader, meets no objection.

Maybe it's the fact that Danny is so busy with Gabby, and Grace nowadays. Maybe it's because he looks at his partner, and sees how his bright blue eyes are tingling, without any black circles under them anymore. Maybe it's because his best friend is the happiest he'd ever seen him. Maybe it's all these together, when he chooses to let her squeeze in between them.

()()()

They have closeness they never had before. Something in the way he acts when she's around, protective, and tender, and calm, is making their connection stronger and deeper. She's different around him as well, more gentle, and slow, and content. She looks at him from across the smart table, dressed in his constant blue shirt, strong arms crossed over broad chest, hair tossed in a messy childish way, giving them their respective assignments. He ends each meeting with a quick glance at her face, waiting for... She has no idea what. When she smiles, a little embarrassed, and he smiles back, sheepishly, she suspects he's waiting for some kind of a reassurance.

()()()

She lies in her bed at night, thinking of that smile, trying to ignore her craving.

()()()

They chase the same gang for the third time, when it happens. They have a lot of intelligence, and pretty substantial evidences, each and every time, but the guys have good lawyers, so they constantly manage to get out of jail. It drives them insane, they are all angry and frustrated, and the only reason the unavoidable shouting match between Steve and the legal department in HPD ends without casualties is that Duke and Danny step in, and practically drag the steaming lieutenant commander out of the room.

When they're back in HQ, they reopen the sealed files of the investigation, and Kono and Chin start to download the addresses, license plates numbers, and names of associates for the third time in a raw, while Danny and Steve are off to Steve's office to look for the confessions and the testimonies they have from the last time. They were left on Steve's Desk from the previous investigation, and they just need to find them. It's not as simple as it sounds, apparently.

()()()

There's shouting coming out of Steve's office less than ten minutes later, and they can hear Danny's rant even from over the wall. Steve's annoyed response is so violent, it takes only one purposeful look from Chin, to send her straight in there, to try and prevent the impending massacre.

"It's exactly what they said" Danny cries when she gets there "you have complete disregard to proper procedure, you don't file anything on time, and you lost key pieces of a formal, and apparently ongoing, investigation."

"I didn't lose anything" Steve notifies him "it's all here, it's just... _misplaced_..."

"_Misplaced?!_" Danny looks at him with contempt "look at this, your desk looks like a paperwork graveyard for god's sakes."

She looks at the desk. The blonde detective has a valid point. Steve's desk, although neatly organized, and clean, is covered by piles and piles of papers and forms. There are a few more boxes on the floor and near the couch, and it looks like the entire room contains months and months of overdue paperwork. She can't blame him for constantly avoiding this specific part of their duties, it's not only that he doesn't like it, even if he did, at this point, he doesn't even have room to do it...

"Everything is here, Danny" Steve says calmly. Well... as calmly as could be expected after Danny's expressive views "we just need to find it."

His partner only grabs a random file from one of the piles and looks at it silently "this one is from May 2013." He tells Kono quietly "that's almost eight months ago." Steve only looks at him threateningly.

"Why don't you let me help him with this?" She smiles brightly at Danny "you go... I don't know... go annoy Chin for a bit, I'll help the boss. If it's here, we'll find it."

"_It's here_" Steve frowns at the both of them when Danny looks like he has something else he would like to say. She tries to keep smiling, _desperately_, when Danny steps out of the room mumbling something about her, and her misguided loyalty.

()()()

They sit on the floor, and go over the forms, and it's even worse than she thought. Some of the papers are from before she'd left. She looks at them with amusement, some of them are almost completed, missing only Steve's signature, some of them are covered with Danny's handwriting begging his boss to complete his piece and submit them, some of them are just envelopes and bills he never even bothered to open.

"You're so irresponsible" she laughs suddenly, looking at an official letter warning him, the electricity in HQ will be disconnected if he doesn't produce a certain invoice.

"I'm not irresponsible" he rejects "I never miss the important things. I'm... _prioritizing_..."

"_Prioritizing?!_" she looks at him in dismay "how? Some of these envelopes have not even been opened. How can you prioritize things you didn't look at?"

"I'm not prioritizing the forms, obviously" he scoffs "I prioritize _my time_."

"Danny is right" she smiles, grabbing another pile of papers and shaking her head with a smile "you're completely out of your mind."

()()()

They continue in silence for about ten more minutes when she grabs another unopened envelope. She's just about to throw it into the unopened bills box, when she happens to see the handwritten recipient's name. It's a personal letter for Steve. When she turns it over, she sees Catherine's name.

She looks at him a little unsurely. He sits on the floor beside her, reading carefully through the papers. He is very absorbed with his task, but after a while, he probably senses the change in atmosphere around him, and appreciates the silence around her, or her lack of movements, or something, because he looks up to meet her questioning look.

"What?"

"This is for you" she hands him the envelope "I don't know if you saw it. It was among the papers from six months ago."

He looks at the unopened envelope for a few moments "yes, I saw it" he says in a low voice "I thought I threw it away. I must have forgotten."

"You haven't read it" she says quietly, trying to obscure her nervousness.

"No" he confirms, looking curiously at the envelope.

"Why? What happened between the two of you, Steve?" she asks quietly, even though she's not really sure it's her place, and even less sure she wants to know the answer.

"It doesn't really matter" he shrugs, after a few minutes of thinking about her question "in hindsight, I should have probably seen it coming. Apparently I wasn't paying attention, at least, that what she said when she..." he looks at her tensely, his face unreadable "it was two months after you left" he says tightly "I think she thought that after the first shock of us losing you, when the team will be stable again, and I'll get used to my mom's being gone, and... I think she thought it would be her turn, you know?"

She only nods. She knows exactly what he means. She spent enough time with Catherine to see the frustration builds up inside her. The constant waiting for her boyfriend to come around and finally let her into his life, was getting harder and harder as the time went by. She wanted to be Catherine's friend, and they tried to spend some time together, just the two girls, but it never worked. In Catherine's mind, Kono was always Steve's friend, a part of his team, one of the people who stole his attention from her. She couldn't get past the resentment she felt.

"I guess she was disappointed" he says simply "I mean, it was two months after you... The guys were already, slowly, claiming their lives back. I was able to push back the governor enough to let me maneuver the team without you, and we were taking cases again. Efficiently. Showing good results."

She looks at him silently. There's no regret in his eyes, no guilt, no sorrow... There's something else there, as he tries to talk about those intimate things in a way that is so foreign to him. There's something else behind his well guarded expression, only she can't tell what it is.

"I couldn't" he whispers "I couldn't let go. I spent all my time in HQ, worked around the clock. Got rid of my mother's house, stored all her belongings, tried to explain all of it to Mary Ann, and had to listen to her cry about it... I should have told her the minute I knew" he shakes his head "I should have told her when the boat left, and I was left there on the dock with a big black hole in my stomach... Should have told her to leave, to move on. Only... how could I tell her, when I didn't even realize it myself?"

She looks at him in shock, as they both sit together on the floor, paperwork all around them, in the quiet room.

"So she left?" she asks, her voice hoarse.

"She left" he nods "told me she can't do it anymore. That she gave me all the time in the world to open my eyes and recognize the people who love me and care for me, and to start loving them back, but that she's done waiting for something I can't or won't give her. Said that although she was there, with me, she couldn't deny the feeling I was still lonely."

He gets up off the floor, holding a few files that must be the missing testimonies, without saying another word. She stands too, and they both just stand there together, in silence, watching each other.

She feels the violent beating of her heart, when he watches her softly from under his long beautiful eyelashes, still holding the unopened envelope from his former girlfriend in his hand. Then, suddenly it changes, and he's there looking at her with a new sense of determination. He throws the envelope to the trashcan near his desk, making her gasp at the casual way he does it in. They both just stand there, looking at the discarded piece of paper for a few tensed moments... She can't take her eyes off it, until he says "she was wrong, you know?"

"What?" she looks at him with bewilderment.

"After such a long time, I was suddenly able to _give_ what she mentioned... I could _feel_ what she wanted..."

"You could?" she asks almost inaudibly, her heart crashes against her ribcage, her mouth suddenly filled with the bitter taste of jealousy.

"I could" he nods, looking at her pointedly "but...it was _you_, and you were gone. With him. And it almost killed me, to keep myself from running after you."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: I'm sorry for the delay in posting this update. I'll try to do better next time. I hate this new filters system, can't find anything anymore. Why did they have to change it? It's ridiculous.

Never mind, I want to thank you all again for reading, following, favoring and especially for commenting on this fic. I appreciate it Very much.

Please tell me what you think.

* * *

Danny steps in at that precise moment. Of course he does. Like always. The guy has the impeccable timing of a national disaster. He's also a good enough detective to realize something is going on, the minute he steps into the emotionally charged room.

"What's going on?" he looks at the both of them suspiciously.

"Nothing's going on" Steve is the first to recover, coughing a little and taking a deep breath.

"What's in your hand?" Danny asks, still doubtful, moving his eyes slowly from one blushing team member to the other.

"What? Oh yeah, the files. We've found the missing files..." Steve hands them over to his partner, in a naive attempt to distract him.

"Well done, babe" Danny smiles, taking the files from Steve's hand and scanning the pages "well...?" he looks expectantly at his partner.

"Well what?" Steve rubs the back of his neck, he's pretty sure that's all they had to do.

"Let's go, Columbus. We have work to do."

He pulls his partially disoriented partner out of his office, and towards the exit, leaving Kono standing there in silence, eyes wide, mouth open, in a state of mild shock.

"Are you okay, babe?" she hears Danny's voice from the big room "you look a bit flushed."

"I'm fine" he mumbles absentmindedly.

"You sure?" Danny's question is heard from the hall "did Kono give you a hard time or something?"

"To tell you the truth" Steve answers seriously "I really don't know yet."

()()()

She has no idea what to do next. She gets out of his office, eventually, and walks back to the smart table to try and catch up with Chin. It doesn't work. It's like she's not even there. She can't focus on anything, the words keep jumping around on the screen, the things Chin says are all just one big unintelligible rumble, and if she's being completely honest here, she can't even _breathe_. She excuses herself at the end, and runs to the bathroom, trying to ignore the puzzled look on Chin's face that follows her questioningly from across the room, when she gets there, she locks the door behind her, and stands in front of the mirror, and... just smiles, awkwardly like a crazy lunatic, at her own reflection.

"Holy shit!" she says to no one in particular "_he loves me_."

The reflection of her dimply smile, and her bright teary eyes that are looking back at her from the mirror, are her only reply.

()()()

"Are you alright cuz?" Chin asks her when she's back to the main room, in a relatively more balanced state.

"I'm fine" she promises "just... a bit tired..." she lies "wasn't sleeping so well last night."

"It's McGarrett, isn't it?" Chin grumbles, making her look at him in alarm "I _told him_ not to take you rock climbing in such a bad weather. Especially not in Mokule'ia, it's way too sophisticated for a beginner like you. You must be all strained and exhausted."

"Oh..." she smiles awkwardly "the rock climbing... yeah. Sure. That's it. You're right..."

"I'll have a word with him" Chin says seriously "don't worry. I'll tell him to back off a little. He's hanging around you too much as it is."

"Tell him this, and I'll shoot your kneecap" she smiles sweetly at him.

"What?" now, it's Chin's turn to look alarmed.

"What?" she raises her eyebrows innocently.

"You just said..."

"I thought we were working on this case" she sighs tiredly, looking back at the screen "will you please concentrate on your job and stop distracting me?"

()()()

She survives the day, surprisingly. Even though, she swears, if they'll take her pulse it would be 200 beats per minute at least. She has butterflies in her stomach, tightness in her throat and she has to wipe her palms on her jeans, every few minutes from the cold sweat. Each time she hears the door opens, or the phone rings, she hopes it's him. Every time there are footsteps outside her office, she raises her head excitedly... It's always Chin. After a few hours of this kind of agitated behavior, the old detective has enough. He steps into her office, and stands against the wall. "What's going on?"

She looks at him, blushing "I'm not sure..."

"Is it Steve?"

She only smiles, and nods her head embarrassingly.

"He missed you."

She nods again.

"He...?"

She nods again.

"And you?"

She smiles carefully at her cousin, and he starts laughing immediately, making her cover her flaming face with her hands.

He takes a seat in front of her, looking at her quietly for a few long minutes. Gradually she moves her hands away, and leans back in her chair. They sit quietly, thinking about the implications of the new emotional development in their team.

"Kono..." he starts slowly "he had a hard time after you've left. He was vulnerable. He lost his mother, the team was a mess. Then his girlfriend left him..."

She nods solemnly "I know. He told me" she whispers.

"You came back, and he... Look cuz, he told me how he felt about you, a long time ago."

"He did?" she asks, shocked. "He told you? How come? I mean, he hardly say anything, to anyone. For crying out loud, the fact that he told me about it today... I honestly think it was an accident and he just let it slip or something..."

"We went fishing" Chin shrugs "it was quiet, it was in the middle of the ocean, and he was drinking beer. I told him I missed you, and he said he did too. He didn't say much more than that, just looked at me and smiled, and said something about missing you way too much than appropriate, and I just knew... I asked him if there's something he wants to tell me, but he said he should talk to you about it first. It's the first time I saw him smile since you've left the island."

She looks at him for a few seconds, trying to assess what he just said. "He told you, and not Danny?" she smiles gently.

"I think he was too afraid of Danny..." Chin winks at her "look, Kono... You have to think about this carefully. It's been only four months since you're back. Less than ten months ago you have practically thrown your entire life away for another guy. You never told any of us what happened with Adam in China and in the Philippines, and you know Steve... he would never ask..." She looks at him seriously, seeing the concern in his eyes "he had enough heartache for one year. If there is still an unfinished business with Adam, you should tell him now..."

"There isn't" she says quickly "not from my end, anyway. I swear, Chin. I'm back here body and soul."

"Okay" Chin looks at her solemnly after a few more minutes. She can see he still looks a bit doubtful "I believe you cuz, but please promise me to be careful."

()()()

They never come back to HQ. The hours pass, and they are still out there, having arguments in HPD and in the district attorney's office. She's disappointed, and nervous, and Chin sends her suspicious looks whenever she looks at the big clock on the wall. She wants to strangle Danny. Something tells her it might be his fault.

Danny calls them back eventually, and explains that it's going to take time, but that they might make some progress so it's kind of worth it. He has to go unexpectedly though, when he hears Steve threatening to throw one of the lawyers out the window. All and all it's all sounds pretty normal to the both of them.

When it's eight in the evening, and there's still no sign of the two partners, they give up and leave for the day.

()()()

It's almost ten thirty when she parks next to his house. The place is dark, and completely quiet. She walks towards the main entrance but there's no light in the living room, and the door is locked, so she walks around the house towards the lanai and the back yard.

She sees him standing at the small beach. His tall figure is illuminated by the moon, and the stars. The ocean whispers around him, the wind plays with his hair.

She walks slowly, trying not to make a sound, not to disturb his peace. He is wearing a short sleeved white shirt, old ragged jeans and sleepers. He takes her breath away, he's the most beautiful sight that was ever seen on her island.

()()()

He doesn't move when she comes to stand beside him. Doesn't look her way, his eyes glued to the dark sea. She sends her hand, hesitatingly, and holds his big warm hand in hers, and he closes his long fingers around it, in a strong, confident and reassuring way.

"I came back because I was afraid all the time." She says quietly. He doesn't answer, just lets her speak, while his hand is still holding onto hers. "Adam... he became careless. He kept insisting that we'd stay in luxurious hotels, and that we'd use high priced cars... We were running, hiding from people that wanted us dead, and he wasn't willing to make even a single sacrifice... " She takes a deep breath, trying to breathe away the pain of the memories "I gave up on my family, I gave up on my friends, I gave up on my home... I was so far away, and I was running endlessly. He didn't force me to go, didn't even ask me to... I offered it myself, and it was _my choice_, because I loved him, very much, and I felt... I thought I belong _with him_."

He swallows hard, but never makes a sound. His hand is still warm around her skin, his body sends her waves of strength and reassurance, that feel so familiar.

"I was so lonely, and ashamed all the time" she bows her head, as she's kicking some sand with her foot "because whenever I woke up beside him, and discovered that we were still on the run, I was so inconsolably sad. I blamed him, you see? Deep inside I know I did. And he knew it too, and we drifted apart because it was too much for the both of us to bare. Our love was not strong enough to handle such extreme circumstances." She looks back up, into the big ocean in front of her "I was _so so_ scared. I never felt so scared in my entire life. Even when I was drowning..." she whispers, almost inaudibly "_and I missed you so much_."

He takes a deep breath, and she can feel that he wants to ask something, but tries desperately to hold back.

"I missed you all" she says quietly "but _you_..." she can feel his muscles tighten around her in anticipation and hope "I was dreaming about you almost every night" she says urgently "I was dreaming about our last goodbye. I was dreaming about it, and the pain was so strong... I woke up, almost screaming, and Adam was there, and I felt... I felt like a traitor."

He swallows again. Hard. She can hear his ragged breath in the silence around them. Since she came, he didn't even look at her, knowing by instinct that she has to tell him this first, so they'll have a fair chance with their new beginning.

"_I love you_" she says suddenly, surprising the both of them. He looks at her sharply, eyes big and round, mouth open like he wants to say something "crazy hu?" She smiles at him brightly. He pulls her against him, his hand moves from her hand to hold her around her shoulders.

"Yeah" he smiles widely into her flushed face "pretty crazy."

"Chin knows" she says, just before he leans in to kiss her.

"Is he going to kill me?" he asks curiously.

"I don't think so" she says thoughtfully "he pretty much warned me against hurting you. I think he's on _your_ side, actually."

"Good" he whispers, before he crushes his lips on her beautiful, sensual mouth.

()()()

They kiss slowly, and deliberately, holding each other with sweet desperation. When they have to stop, to breathe, he looks into her eyes, and caresses her cheek gently "will you stay the night?" he whispers.

She only nods, pulling him back against her.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**: Thank you for reading, following, favoring and especially commenting on this fic. I appreciate it immensely. I am very sorry for the long pause. As I mentioned before, my computer broke and it took a long time to fix it and to write the already written updates again.

Please tell me what you think.

* * *

One moment they are kissing on the beach and the other one he has her in his bedroom. He can't remember exactly how she got there. How _he_ got there even, but when he moves his head away from her flaming face, and his hands hold her face tenderly, to allow him to look at her in the dim light of the bedside lamp, he really doesn't care.

She smiles at him in silence, her lips swollen and bruised from his kisses, as she's holding his wrist gently, keeping his hands against her skin.

"I'm sorry" she whispers, and it catches him off guard for a second "I'm sorry for leaving. I should never have..."

He kisses her again. Urgently. Before she could say another word. He's sorry too, for being blind, for being afraid, for not stopping her from making a mistake, from risking her life, for wasting so much time without her... He moves his lips slowly on her jaw line, and on her neck. His strong hands help her to take her over shirt and tank top off. He moves away again, just so he could study her face for a second, to make sure that it's… She only sends him a confident, trusting smile, confirming to him that yes, the time for talking is over, he smiles back as his attention goes back to her body.

He caresses her shoulders gently, his eyes follow slowly after the slow movement of his fingers downwards. He can feel how she holds her breath when he moves his eyes over her exposed breasts, but she doesn't move, or tries to deny him the most beautiful image he'd seen in his life time. She stands there, and he continues to help her shed her clothes, slowly, planting random gentle kisses on every patch of skin that appears before him.

When she's completely naked, he takes a small step back, and just stands there, looking at her, mesmerized "so beautiful" he whispers in awe. So beautiful.

()()()

He lays her on the bed, and hovers above her. He can't take his eyes off her, and he fumbles a bit with his own clothes when he tries to do it too quickly, making her laugh her happy laugh in response. He only buries his face in her hair, and slides a strong hand behind her, forcing her against him, letting her feel his burning skin, and his warmth, and his desperate need to touch her, making her to gasp with the unexpected intensity of it all. He hears her soft quiet moan when she moves her lips to his shoulder, her smell, her taste, the way she feels on his oversensitive skin is beyond anything he ever felt before.

"I'm doomed" he murmurs against her skin, as he captures her beneath him, moving faster and faster, swallowing her whole "I will never be able to stop touching you" he whispers, feeling her growling her agreement as she kisses his still talking mouth.

()()()

Later they lie in his bed, exhausted. He is slumped on his back, head crashed against the headboard, and she is draped on top of him, her hair covers his chest, their fingers entwined.

When she tries to move away, he puts a strong heavy arm around her shoulders and keeps her against him. They fall asleep in a few seconds.

()()()

It's the sudden sound of his phone that pulls him violently from his sleep, even before the first rays of sunlight.

He looks at her anxiously, but she doesn't move, too exhausted and spent from their night together to even hear the rude interruption. He sends his arm to the bedside table, and slides open the phone "McGarrett" he says quietly, trying his best not to wake her up.

"Commander, it's Brian Chua" he hears the familiar voice "from the ports authority."

"Hey Brian" he says confusedly, glancing at the clock which shows five AM "what's up?"

"I'm sorry to wake you, commander McGarrett, it's about that APB you had us put on…"

"The what?" he rubs his face tiredly, trying to focus.

"The APB you put on Adam Noshimuri…" Brian explains "you said to call you if his names comes up on the manifests. You said to call you day or night. You said to call you personally, and no one else."

"Yes. What about it, then?" he is completely awake now, his heart beating fast, his mouth dry and he feels nauseated with fear all of a sudden.

"He's here" Brian says apologetically "I mean, he will be. He's on his way from Manila right now. He'll be here in about seven hours."

He can't say a word, he's so surprised. A million scenarios go through his head, when Brian pulls him out of his stupor again "I sent the flight number and the other details to your phone. Is there anything else you need me to do?"

"No" he says decisively "No, thanks man. I'm… I appreciate it, there's nothing else…" he looks at the clock again, trying to calculate his chances "Brian" he says as an afterthought.

"Yes sir?"

"I'll take it from here, but will you do me a favor, and keep it to yourself at this point?"

"No problem sir" comes the obedient reply.

"Thank you, Brian. I really appreciate it."

()()()

He hangs up the phone, and fights the burning urge to slam the instrument against the fucking wall. He tries to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down, but he already feels the familiar mix of rage and fear building up inside him. She probably senses something, something in the way his body moves under her, the way his muscles coil under her touch, because she is sliding her hand to his face sleepily, and rubs his lower lip with her thumb "are you alright?" she mumbles "do we have a job or something?"

"No" he breathes, trying to keep his voice leveled "it's nothing, sweetheart. Go back to sleep."

"Okay" she whispers, nuzzling his chest gently and planting a tender kiss on his skin, just before she falls back to sleep.

He holds her against him, moving his arms on her delicate shoulders, stroking her hair and her back, breathing her in, and trying to drown himself in her warmth, because he suddenly feels like he might freeze to death.

()()()

In the morning she wants to go home and change, and he almost doesn't let her leave. He holds her against him at the door, kissing her hungrily, and ignores her giggly protests.

"Steve" she laughs when he moves his lips on her jaw line, kissing a sweet trail towards her ear "I have to go, we'll be late. You really want Danny to find out about us like this?" He stops suddenly, watching her horridly for a second, and she's happy to discover that the mention of his partner's name still provokes enough fear in his brain to make him act reasonably. Only he doesn't look convinced enough for some reason, and he looks at her lips with a predator's look again, and it makes her laugh at him all over again. "Steve, no" she pushes against his chest "we'll have enough time for this later. I'm not going anywhere. I'll see you in an hour in HQ. I'll…" she smiles kindly at his skeptical expression "I'll go back home with you tonight, I promise" she whispers, as she's moving her fingers in his hair playfully "I'll even bring clothes this time. I'll do whatever you want…" she adds seductively, kissing him chastely on his lips, and making a run for her car.

He stands there at the doorway, for a few seconds, looking at her retreating car with a heavy heart.

()()()

He goes to the airport with Danny. Somewhere in this whole mess his senses tell him he shouldn't be left alone to take care of this. He mumbles something about a lead in their ongoing investigation, telling Kono and Chin some fairytale about preventing the leader of the group they're after from escaping the island, and pulls Danny towards the elevator. Kono and Chin stay behind. He sends her a careful look from behind his back, just when he leaves, but she has no idea what's going on, she only smiles at him quietly, before she goes back to her work on the smart table with Chin, and that smile, that fleeting moment, makes the small reservation he has about misleading her, to disappear.

()()()

"What are we doing here, Steve?" Danny asks him for the fifth time since they've left the office.

"We're meeting someone."

"We are?" he looks at him with suspicion. His partner only sighs deeply, looking at his watch. The fucking plane is late. "Steve, what's going on?" he asks him again when he takes a look at his watch for the third time that minute. He knows his partner well enough to remember that usually he's not getting _that_ agitated for no reason. "Steve" he tries again, and his voice probably has enough force in it, to capture his partner's attention and make him look back at him for the first time since they got there.

"Adam Noshimuri is coming back." He says at last "he's on the next flight in from Manila."

"How do you know?" Danny looks at him worriedly.

"I put an APB on him. I…" he sighs and shakes his head "I was being careful, when the word went out that Kono is back and that everything is quiet again… I was worried he might try to come back."

"You know what? It doesn't matter." Danny says after a long thoughtful pause "we have nothing against him. He's safe here, he lives here. He has every right to come back. It has nothing to do with us anymore."

"It has _everything_ to do with us" Steve says decisively "he's a runaway former Yakuza leader, we are obligated to protect the island from foreign threats."

"Steve…" he says quietly "he's out in the clear, the investigation is closed, we have no reason to talk to him. It's over."

Steve only looks up on the screen again. His jaw twitching, showing how tensed he really is under his seemingly contained appearance. Danny watches him carefully, there's something he's not telling, something he hides, something…

"Kono" he finally gets it "You're afraid he'll make a contact with Kono again."

Steve only looks at the screen quietly, blinking a few times.

"He was her boyfriend, and she left him, if she wants to see him…" he says reasonably "there's no reason for us to get in the middle of that… Why would you even involve yourself in…"

"No" Steve shakes his head.

"No?" Danny looks at him confusedly "what do you mean, no? What's it to you if she chooses to… Ohhh…" he suddenly gets it. Steve's violent decision to meet their former enemy, and also, their former ally and to do this whole, he has no idea what… He can recognize the emotion. He saw it before. He saw it during the hunt for Wo Fat. "Steve, babe… it's crazy."

"I know what I'm doing, Danny" he barks at him, tensing even more, if it's possible, when he sees that the plane had finally landed and that people are starting to come out of the gait.

"Do you? Really?" Danny raises his voice, and pushes him so he can look straight at his tormented face "or are you trying to fight a battle no one can win, again?"

"Danny" he releases his arm from his partner's hold "you don't understand, I don't have a choice."

"A choice?" Danny exclaims "of course you have a choice, you can just walk away from here, with me, and respond to this new development in a civilized and reasonable manner. You can have some trust in people, in me, in Kono, even in Adam…"

"Danny, you don't understand" he shakes his head desperately "if he'll be back here, at home, and she'd let him in for a second chance… If he'd convince her that they can start over, if he'll take her away again, and she'll leave…"

"You're in love with her" Danny gasps.

"I'm protecting her" he doesn't really deny it.

"You're afraid she'll see Adam and walk away with him, like all the other…"

"I'll keep him away from her, if it's the last thing I do" he frowns decisively towards Danny, trying to cut into the comprehensive psychological assessment his friend is about to offer."

"You didn't even tell her he's coming, didn't you?" he sighs heavily.

"No" he admits.

"Why?" Danny asks him gently "why didn't you just talk about it with her? Are you that afraid she'll betray you?"

He looks at Danny silently for a few second.

"I'm terrified."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**: Thank you for reading, following, favoring and especially commenting on this fic. I appreciate it immensely. Thanks for the support. Please tell me what you think.

* * *

It's too late to change his mind.

He still stands there with Danny, still debating within himself what would be the right thing to do when Adam steps out. He walks through the arrivals hall with two bodyguards behind him and suddenly the old image of the well connected, strong, big Yakuza leader surrounded by animosity and danger is right there in front of them. He doesn't have to look at Danny to know that the guy feels the same way, when they both stand there and watch their way too familiar enemy walking there on their island. Danny's silence and the small step he takes, to stand closer to him suggests that finally, they are both on the same page. They stand there looking at the Japanese man and suddenly, they both feel, there's nothing they won't do to keep him away from her. They look at each other worriedly, "thank god Chin isn't here" Danny mumbles "he would have pulled out his shotgun by now."

"McGarrett" Adam greets him with an air of suspicion, looking at the tall figure standing determined in front of him "Nice to see you, and you too detective Williams. Where's…?" he looks around him, searching the terminal, for Kono, no doubt. There's a sudden eruption of uncontrolled rage that lights him up from within and sends shivers down his spine when he does that. It's a hot, burning, suffocating rage that floods his veins, and makes him almost shudder with fury when he looks at the nonchalant way Adam is looking at them. It takes one look at the arrogant manner in which the guy just steps back into their lives, like he owns the fucking island, like he owns her, like he can take her away again, to turn on his fighting mode.

"You're not welcome here, Adam" he spits tersely "this island has seen enough of your organization's crime and violence. I came to instruct you to collect your men, and anything else you might need and go somewhere else."

"_Instruct me_?" Adam looks at him levelly without batting an eye "instruct me to leave? Under what authority?"

It happens so quickly, Danny has no time to stop it. A millisecond before Adam finishes his words; Steve's strong hands grab him by his collar and throw him against the wall. The first bodyguard, who tries to protect his boss gets Steve's strong elbow right to his throat and drops to the floor with agonizing pain, only to be kicked in the head by Steve's left sheen. At this point, Danny manages to recover from his initial shock, so when the second bodyguard throws a few punches onto Steve's face, almost pulling his eye out and reaches for the 5-0 leader's holster, he is able to kick off his knee and drop him to the floor, to pull his gun against him, and to indicate to him to lie still.

"This island is too small for the both of us." He hears Steve hisses against Adam's ear as he pushes his face against the wall "it took us months to clean up all the mess you've left here before you left. We won't do it again."

"Ep, ep ep…" Danny warns the first bodyguard who starts to recover from Steve's blows and tries to make a move towards his master, who is currently being assaulted in front of his eyes "sit still. Can't you see they're talking?"

"Steve, I'm not staying." Adam is just about able to whisper out under the SEAL's strong pressure on his windpipe.

"Good" Steve spits in relief "a very good call. So you have no reason to leave the airport." He lets him go just a little, he can't believe this had actually worked. He starts to feel that Danny is really quite unnecessarily pessimistic sometimes. Who said a well-directed violent craziness can't bring results? He exhales heavily, feeling the tension starting to disappear from his shoulders.

"I need to make some arrangements" Adam says calmly after he turns around, straightening his suit "I have assets here. Money. I can't be here anymore, I know that. Too much bad blood, too many disloyal and disgruntled… em… _co-workers_ who will look for any opportunity to ruin me."

He looks at Adam carefully. Black suit, expensive shoes, he is meticulously shaven, and he has a very expensive haircut. The two bodyguards beside him are young. Long black sleeves, probably hiding very defining tattoos. He looks at Danny and sees the way he too, assesses Adam's appearance. They don't have to talk to know that they are both seeing the same thing, they are looking _not_ at the _former_ Yakuza leader, they are looking at the _present one_.

"You have ten hours" he tells him "Ten hours to put your affairs in order and disappear from here. If you won't be on a flight out by then, I'll kick your ass out of here, myself."

He looks thoughtfully at Steve "I know that you and I… We have a past between us, Steve" he starts quietly "I know things were said, actions were taken."

"It's nothing personal, Adam" Steve grumbles, trying not to meet Danny's eyes when he lies through his teeth.

"Perhaps" Adam says after a long pregnant pause "perhaps."

There's nothing else left to say. He just stands there with Danny, wiping some blood from a small cut above his left eyebrow, curtsey of Adam's bodyguard, looking at the young man collecting his luggage and starting to walk out with his men towards the exit. Just before he gets to the revolving door, he turns around and looks back at them "how is she?" he asks quietly.

"It's none of y…" he almost jumps back to grab him, but Danny's calming hand on his shoulder stops him.

"She's well" the blonde detective tells Adam "she's back home, with her family and she's happy. If it's all the same to you, we really want to keep it this way."

He sends them a thoughtful look, but remains silent. Then he nods once, and walks out with his men to the hot and bright Hawaiian sun.

()()()

"What the hell were you thinking?" are Danny's first words when they get in the car "did you honestly think that you'd be able to keep him away from here? Who the hell do you think you are? Fucking Homeland security?"

"It worked" he mumbles, even though he knows it's the perfect excuse to send Danny on an entire frenzied rant.

"Worked? Worked? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"He's going, isn't he?" he sighs, pushing the gas pedal a little bit harder "he's leaving the island."

"You're bleeding." Danny spits at him furiously "you're bleeding, your face looks like a mess. You've organized a full scale standoff in the middle of the bloody airport. God Steve, if there would have been shots… I mean…"

"There weren't any, Danny" he states the obvious.

"The guy almost grabbed your gun" Danny is relentless.

"But he didn't, you stopped him." He glares at him.

"You acted crazily, without thinking, and you took risks, and for what? To prevent a citizen, who committed no crime…"

"_No crime?!_" he almost shouts.

"_No crime!_" Danny has no problem to shout "no crime whatsoever. We cleared him ourselves, remember? When he left with Kono. We had to, to keep her safe and to… We…" he stops midsentence, and looks horridly at Steve "you think…?"

"That he planned all of it? Took her with him, so we'll have an incentive to protect him? To clean up his mess for him?" he sighs deeply "I thought about it. I really hope he didn't…"

"I hope so too" Danny mumbles, looking out of the window at the passing scenery "still, Steve. It was very risky, and you used _your stomach_, not your head in this matter when you decided to march into that airport and violate some of the more fundamental concepts of our security system."

"My stomach?" he laughs.

"I meant another organ, I just tried to be polite about it" Danny grumbles "I'm surprised Kono let you do this shit in the first place. I mean, she should have been the first to know that putting you in one room with Adam is probably not the best idea."

"Kono…?"

"You didn't tell her, did you?" Danny looks at him horrified "does she even know he's on the island?"

He presses his lips together and looks silently at the road. Danny knows better than to ask anything else about it.

()()()

She's in her office when they get back to HQ. She's standing near her desk, facing him from behind the glass wall, speaking on the phone.

He makes a tentative step towards her, inhales deeply, trying to gain some courage. He has no idea what to tell her. He looks at her face, and suddenly he knows, there's nothing to tell anymore. She knows. She's still there, on the phone, her ear pressed against the small black device, her eyes wide open, and she's looking at him in a mixture of surprise, fury and sadness. He feels how his heart cringes with the pain he can see on her face. He knows immediately, she's speaking to Adam. She doesn't say a word. She listens carefully, her eyes piercing him with what looks more and more like an accusation. She shakes her head, wipes a tear from her eye, and just looks at him for what feels like ages.

He can't stand it. He has no idea what the guy is telling her. He has no idea what Adam tells her about what he'd done. He has no idea if she's hurt or if she's angry or… God! He really hopes she's angry. Angry he can take. But if he'd realized he caused her more pain, he just doesn't think he could stand it.

She hangs up the phone eventually. Standing there, looking silently at him, from behind the wall. They look at each other, and they don't move, until suddenly she looks like she made up her mind and turns around determinedly. She grabs her bag from behind her desk, and puts her stuff in it, her phone, her keys, a few papers, then she storms out of her office headed to the exit.

She walks right past him, and he automatically sends his arm and holds her, "Kono" he says, his voice hoarse.

She looks at his hand, around her wrist for a few seconds, before she looks up at him. It's the first time she sees him from up close. She grabs his chin, examining the extensive damage done to his face. His eye is swollen, there is still blood coming from that stupid cut above his eyebrow, his lip is bruised. She turns his face around, and does it anything but gently, sighing deeply at the sight of the injuries, shaking her head in contempt.

"Kono" he whispers again, trying to make her look him in the eyes.

She just sends him a warning glare, daring him to speak another word, before she shakes her arm from his hold, and continues her march towards the elevators.

He stands there dumbstruck, shaking, listening to the sound of the doors closing behind her.

()()()

"You're a stupid, stupid man" he tells himself, as he stands in front of the mirror in the change room, trying to clean his face "you should have told her. You should have left her to make her own decision whether or not to see him. You should have…"

He leans on the sink, his head bowed, trying to calm himself down by inhaling and exhaling deeply for a few moments. It's no use; he can't shake the sense of impending doom that engulfs him since he saw her shocked expression. He looks up at his own reflection again. His red rimmed eyes, from the last sleepless night and from the big shiner he has around his left eye, the cut above his eyebrow is still oozing slowly, and he wonders if he's really as pathetic as he looks. The decision was clear. To keep Adam away from her at all cost. To keep him away from the island, and use force if necessary. All cost, right! He thinks about her furious departure, and he knows very well, _this _is the one cost he is not willing to pay.

The sound of Steve's fists crashing against the metal lockers in the change room brings his partners running down from the main room. When they open the door, they find him nursing his bleeding knuckles, trying to rinse the blood under the current.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Danny hurries towards him with a towel "have you lost your fucking mind?"

"I didn't lose my mind, Danny" he groans when his partner presses the towel on his damaged knuckles "I lost…"

"You didn't lose her" Chin cuts him midsentence "she knows you. She knows how your brain works. Probably better than anyone else. You should give her the credit and understand that she'll do what's right."

"I know" he shakes his head "I know, it's just…"

"Don't insult her by presuming the worst" Chin walks over to the two partners and puts his hand on his leader's shoulder "she deserves better than that."

"She does" Steve whispers, looking steadily into the older man's eyes "I know she does."

()()()

Only it takes hours and hours and he hears nothing.

He thinks about calling her, but quickly thinks better of it when he looks at the clean bandage Danny applied to his hand. He is desperate to hear her voice, but one look at the result of his most recent outburst makes him think that he's not as ready to talk to her as he should be at this point.

It's getting later and later, and eventually there's no point in staying around HQ anymore. He drives home, successfully fighting the urge to drive by her house just to see if she's there, and tries to remember Chin's words. He gets home, gets in the shower, and forces himself to concentrate on preparing dinner. He is half way through the slicing and frying and cooking when there's a quiet knock on the front door.

()()()

She's there.

When he opens the door she's standing in the dim light, beautiful as ever and carrying a small backpack on her left shoulder. He was hoping it was her. He was wishing it silently as he was making his way from the kitchen to the door. He stands there, looking at her up and down, and suddenly the fear is back there to haunt him. The backpack she has with her, the resolute expression on her face, he momentarily thinks that she's here to tell him she's leaving.

"Well? Are you going to let me in?" she asks at last, after neither of them moves for a very long time.

He only moves to the side and lets her walk past him into the house, unable to say a word. She turns around, to look at him, but there's a sudden hissing noise from the kitchen and he realizes he had left the potatoes on the gas, so he runs over there to take care of it, an leaves her alone in the hall.

He's a little bit busy with the pots and the pan and with moving the food around on the counter when she steps in, and stands beside him. She sends her hand towards one of the plates he has there, which is filled with boiled carrots, and takes one into her mouth. He looks at her enchanted, as she licks her lips absentmindedly, and smiles approvingly. She puts her hands on the counter behind her and jumps on the counter, sitting there, and continues to devour the carrots slowly.

"Kono, what are you doing here?" he sighs, confused by her calm and silent demeanor.

"What do you mean, what am I doing here?" she looks at him, obviously surprised "I told you I'll come home with you this morning."

"You were…" he looks at her in despair "you left HQ hours ago, you went to…" he shakes his head with annoyance, and turns back to the food in front of him, trying to busy himself with cutting some peppers, hopefully without cutting his own shaking fingers while she sits there inexplicably, after he thought he had lost her forever.

She puts her hand on his arm, quietly making him stop his activity. She pulls him gently towards her, and he throws the knife into the sink and comes to stand between her legs.

"Why didn't you tell me he was coming?" she whispers, lifting his chin gently to look into his eyes.

"I'm sorry" he says quietly, his eyes burn with sincerity "it was a mistake, I know it was."

"Did you think I'll go back to him?" she whispers again, stroking his hair gently.

"No" he says hurriedly, but she only smiles softly "yes" he admits.

"I'm here because I promised I'll be here." She says quietly, looking into his eyes, trying to make him understand "I know your experience is… _different_, but_ I_ tend to keep my promises, okay?" she whispers reassuringly. He only nods, but something in his eyes suggests that he's not entirely sure about it. "I already left you once" she explains again "and it was awful. I won't leave you again, Steve. I can't. It will kill me." He looks at her with big blue eyes, hanging to her every word. "You don't trust me" she says, shaking her head "I can see it in your eyes."

"I _do_ trust you" he says immediately "I trust you with my life."

"You trust me to work with you on the team" she says, suddenly realizing what is going on in his head "like you trust Danny and Chin, like you trust your SEAL buddies." He looks at her unsurely. "You don't trust me not to leave you." She says again "you don't trust me not to break your heart."


End file.
